








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 349 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 151 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2676 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2995 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2484 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3697 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1999 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,210,317 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | dubois.charles | 48% | 171 |
| #9 | η♡να | 47% | 57 |
| #10 | BUNYON | 47% | 167 |
| #11 | Dogzilla | 46% | 125 |
| #12 | An Ethnic Group | 44% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUNYON | 24 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | Dogzilla | 17 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | η♡να | 13 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | Pill Pusher Pushin' P | 12 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | T3rpboy2.0 | 12 | 0.0193 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dubois.charles | 662 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #2 | BUNYON | 660 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #3 | Dogzilla | 168 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | Pill Pusher Pushin' P | 155 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Mizzer | 153 | 0.10 | 4 min |





