








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 194 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,323 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 965 | 13% |
| Smokes | 2469 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1839 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2050 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,031,437 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neo | 58% | 59 |
| #2 | Pr0f_Meow | 54% | 78 |
| #3 | Fischspalte | 53% | 128 |
| #4 | sladE | 53% | 262 |
| #5 | 💜 | 50% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Pr0f_Meow | 54% | 78 |
| #3 | Fischspalte | 53% | 128 |
| #4 | sladE | 53% | 262 |
| #5 | 💜 | 50% | 123 |
| #6 | ✰ alive | 45% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sladE | 11 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | 💜 | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Fischspalte | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | ✰ alive | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Pr0f_Meow | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sladE | 589 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | Fischspalte | 314 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | 💜 | 284 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #4 | Pr0f_Meow | 277 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #5 | ✰ alive | 188 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 💜 | +1.99 | 85 | 68 |
| #2 | FlyingFridge | +1.32 | 86 | 48 |
| #3 | Pr0f_Meow | +0.96 | 73 | 72 |
| #4 | sladE | +0.47 | 64 | 62 |
| #5 | ✰ alive | +0.39 | 65 | 67 |





