








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2324 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1880 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2565 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1993 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2408 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $355,717 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHRIMPY Aka Young Putin dick | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | Jaribarh i din hus | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | lyk | 53% | 70 |
| #4 | Pappa D | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | CJW | 49% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | lyk | 53% | 70 |
| #4 | Pappa D | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | CJW | 49% | 69 |
| #6 | Gonoed | 43% | 40 |
| #7 | langeslange | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHRIMPY Aka Young Putin dick | 9 | 0.0186 |
| #2 | lyk | 6 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Gonoed | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | CJW | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Jaribarh i din hus | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CJW | 207 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | lyk | 136 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gonoed | 133 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | SHRIMPY Aka Young Putin dick | 104 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | Pappa D | 35 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHRIMPY Aka Young Putin dick | +3.57 | 71 | 53 |
| #2 | CJW | +1.66 | 78 | 54 |
| #3 | SUS | +1.41 | 70 | 62 |
| #4 | Pappa D | +0.69 | 54 | 56 |
| #5 | Jaribarh i din hus | +0.07 | 44 | 56 |





