








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 61 matches | ||
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
988 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,403 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1108 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1569 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 876 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 850 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $141,356 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Patrick Bateman | 46% | 13 |
| #8 | WhiteIversen | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | Gonoed | 40% | 15 |
| #10 | lyk | 38% | 8 |
| #11 | Ribse | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CJW | 8 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | langeslange | 7 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Patrick Bateman | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | WhiteIversen | 2 | 0.0129 |
| #5 | Dessau | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | langeslange | 172 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | CJW | 140 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Dessau | 85 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | SUS | 44 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Patrick Bateman | 44 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WhiteIversen | +5.76 | 91 | 56 |
| #2 | CJW | +3.03 | 72 | 51 |
| #3 | Dessau | +1.33 | 85 | 68 |
| #4 | Vig | +1.12 | 64 | 37 |
| #5 | langeslange | +0.60 | 86 | 49 |





