








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2185 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1993 | 43% |
| Smokes | 1106 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 814 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 716 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $488,737 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SONI | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | SUS | 70% | 23 |
| #3 | langeslange | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Gonoed | 52% | 21 |
| #5 | lyk | 52% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaribarh i din hus | 8 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | SUS | 8 | 0.0165 |
| #3 | Gonoed | 6 | 0.0127 |
| #4 | Tjusti | 5 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | lyk | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaribarh i din hus | 163 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | lyk | 157 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Janteland | 105 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Gonoed | 88 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | SUS | 74 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SHRIMPY Aka Young Putin dick | +3.18 | 81 | 57 |
| #2 | Tjusti | +1.64 | 59 | 55 |
| #3 | langeslange | +1.57 | 89 | 43 |
| #4 | SONI | +1.35 | 65 | 65 |
| #5 | SUS | +1.00 | 69 | 58 |





