








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 286 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2084 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,329 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 248 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1195 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 700 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 186 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $591,088 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fat Bitch | 53% | 30 |
| #2 | Mr.NiceGuy | 53% | 186 |
| #3 | Levi | 52% | 73 |
| #4 | beat | 50% | 30 |
| #5 | tang | 49% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | lonely | 48% | 263 |
| #7 | Mr.CRAB MAN | 48% | 23 |
| #8 | Bobert | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | PreppieAcorn78 | 45% | 51 |
| #10 | Tee | 36% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 37 | 0.0100 |
| #2 | lonely | 23 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | PreppieAcorn78 | 9 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | tang | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | Levi | 7 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 199 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #2 | PreppieAcorn78 | 108 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | tang | 103 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Tee | 77 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mr.CRAB MAN | 77 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | +3.14 | 69 | 59 |
| #2 | lonely | +2.05 | 79 | 9 |
| #3 | beat | +1.91 | 65 | 28 |
| #4 | Fat Bitch | +1.75 | 76 | 51 |
| #5 | Mr.CRAB MAN | +1.13 | 52 | 53 |





