








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 66 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 337 matches | ||
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,630 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2042 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2855 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 1219 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 514 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,052,421 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | draewmoo | 61% | 28 |
| #2 | Young Dolph | 57% | 44 |
| #3 | b0bbyB | 54% | 39 |
| #4 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 53% | 34 |
| #5 | Koala Jesus | 49% | 222 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Illiquid | 47% | 86 |
| #9 | jpwitt | 46% | 96 |
| #10 | Bill | 44% | 55 |
| #11 | Hybrid | 41% | 58 |
| #12 | Wetahded turdle | 41% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | 8 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Wetahded turdle | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Hybrid | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | jpwitt | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 557 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | DeagJr | 346 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | jpwitt | 255 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #4 | Hybrid | 255 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | Wetahded turdle | 253 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | +2.43 | 56 | 70 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | +2.41 | 85 | 63 |
| #3 | Wetahded turdle | +2.37 | 50 | 68 |
| #4 | Koala Jesus v.2 | +1.79 | 81 | 56 |
| #5 | Shadow | +0.75 | 75 | 44 |





