








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 962 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 424 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4240 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,110 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5623 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6131 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1769 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 4587 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,077,903 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 929 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Hybrid | 46% | 28 |
| #11 | Floady | 46% | 35 |
| #12 | draewmoo | 45% | 29 |
| #13 | Chick3n | 44% | 90 |
| #14 | Shadow | 41% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 13 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 11 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | Shadow | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | shake it for luther king | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Chick3n | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus | 577 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | shake it for luther king | 232 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Koala Jesus v.2 | 183 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | nave | 166 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #5 | Floady | 129 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koala Jesus v.2 | +2.93 | 81 | 59 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | +2.05 | 76 | 67 |
| #3 | Wetahded turdle | +1.63 | 53 | 69 |
| #4 | b0bbyB | +1.01 | 82 | 56 |
| #5 | 𝙶𝚞𝚋𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝 | +0.76 | 66 | 72 |





