








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
735 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 710 | 32% |
| Smokes | 623 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 493 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 384 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $440,820 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wetahded turdle | 48% | 21 |
| #2 | Shadow | 47% | 86 |
| #3 | Bill | 44% | 41 |
| #4 | DeagJr | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | jpwitt | 40% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | DeagJr | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | jpwitt | 40% | 57 |
| #6 | Chick3n | 40% | 20 |
| #7 | draewmoo | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | Koala Jesus | 36% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Shadow | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Wetahded turdle | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Chick3n | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeagJr | 162 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | Shadow | 139 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | jpwitt | 138 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Wetahded turdle | 80 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Koala Jesus | 75 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wetahded turdle | +3.94 | 53 | 73 |
| #2 | DeagJr | +2.84 | 55 | 70 |
| #3 | Shadow | +2.67 | 76 | 45 |
| #4 | Koala Jesus | +2.16 | 79 | 64 |
| #5 | Chick3n | -0.40 | 37 | 61 |





