








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,720 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1233 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1055 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 582 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 850 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $345,393 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bill | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | Chick3n | 48% | 25 |
| #6 | Shadow | 46% | 96 |
| #7 | DeagJr | 44% | 39 |
| #8 | Illiquid | 40% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shadow | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | DeagJr | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | Chick3n | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shadow | 156 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | DeagJr | 155 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | Koala Jesus | 95 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Illiquid | 90 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Wetahded turdle | 61 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wetahded turdle | +5.08 | 44 | 66 |
| #2 | Koala Jesus | +3.04 | 86 | 65 |
| #3 | DeagJr | +2.39 | 46 | 67 |
| #4 | Shadow | +2.06 | 75 | 47 |
| #5 | Chick3n | -1.33 | 37 | 56 |





