








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 221 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2400 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,337 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1583 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1328 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1344 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1082 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $677,225 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 288 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PlayerUnmet | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Kara | 72% | 25 |
| #3 | Chaj. | 67% | 75 |
| #4 | Noname | 64% | 47 |
| #5 | wimble | 64% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Mula Hwaka | 54% | 50 |
| #15 | May | 50% | 14 |
| #16 | Shaykelon | 49% | 39 |
| #17 | Charle | 46% | 28 |
| #18 | Tuvalu | 45% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cheaster | 35 | 0.0156 |
| #2 | Mococo Abyssgard | 28 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | wimble | 14 | 0.0327 |
| #4 | Chaj. | 9 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Wood Meister | 9 | 0.0149 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mococo Abyssgard | 368 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 176 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | p4905 | 170 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | wimble | 164 | 0.38 | 4 min |
| #5 | cheaster | 144 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +6.96 | 83 | 61 |
| #2 | Mococo Abyssgard | +3.79 | 71 | 63 |
| #3 | Anything | +3.67 | 82 | 46 |
| #4 | Mula Hwaka | +2.41 | 56 | 50 |
| #5 | Wood Meister | +1.58 | 33 | 25 |





