








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 184 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1581 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 675 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1460 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1603 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2446 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,331,769 of utility $245 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Namio | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Captain Magma | 9 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Waltrude | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Looten und Leveln | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Namio | 585 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #2 | Captain Magma | 266 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | 208 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Waltrude | 127 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Looten und Leveln | 119 | 0.14 | 3 min |





