








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1163 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 902 | 37% |
| Smokes | 502 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 628 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 386 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $353,561 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ape | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | unc | 78% | 27 |
| #3 | stebe | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | snoopdobbydob | 75% | 28 |
| #5 | citrouille | 73% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | bugemeister | 67% | 43 |
| #8 | hambubger | 59% | 54 |
| #9 | The Niggler | 56% | 36 |
| #10 | Dosia Lover | 47% | 19 |
| #11 | big mac | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Niggler | 7 | 0.0099 |
| #2 | citrouille | 6 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | snoopdobbydob | 6 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | hambubger | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | bugemeister | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hambubger | 258 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | citrouille | 151 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dosia Lover | 88 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | unc | 82 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | snoopdobbydob | 81 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stebe | +6.27 | 69 | 67 |
| #2 | citrouille | +5.46 | 86 | 55 |
| #3 | hambubger | +4.87 | 72 | 63 |
| #4 | Dosia Lover | +2.76 | 89 | 65 |
| #5 | ape | +2.68 | 89 | 67 |





