








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 598 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7588 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,983 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8417 | 40% |
| Smokes | 6265 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 955 | 5% |
| Molotovs | 5346 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,288,121 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 127 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L1nq | 55% | 101 |
| #2 | bugemeister | 55% | 188 |
| #3 | LuvDingo/ttv | 54% | 46 |
| #4 | hambubger | 52% | 503 |
| #5 | Octane_Buzzttv | 52% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | citrouille | 48% | 167 |
| #9 | The_Kritikal | 46% | 97 |
| #10 | The Niggler | 45% | 157 |
| #11 | ape | 43% | 47 |
| #12 | Fritz | 42% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Niggler | 34 | 0.0109 |
| #2 | hambubger | 25 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | bugemeister | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | citrouille | 9 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Fritz | 8 | 0.0089 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hambubger | 2197 | 0.22 | 52 min |
| #2 | citrouille | 555 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #3 | L1nq | 477 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #4 | bugemeister | 293 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #5 | ape | 238 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hambubger | +3.37 | 71 | 59 |
| #2 | citrouille | +2.15 | 87 | 56 |
| #3 | L1nq | +1.10 | 75 | 66 |
| #4 | ape | +0.66 | 72 | 63 |
| #5 | snoopdobbydob | +0.65 | 70 | 59 |





