








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 653 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 396 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5834 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,739 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7330 | 41% |
| Smokes | 4763 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2784 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2862 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,055,808 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 356 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ADDERALL8K | 73% | 44 |
| #2 | hambubger | 54% | 179 |
| #3 | unc | 53% | 92 |
| #4 | The Babbahermeeni | 49% | 53 |
| #5 | big mac | 48% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | donger | 45% | 101 |
| #10 | ape | 44% | 88 |
| #11 | SerenCS | 44% | 94 |
| #12 | HarryOP | 39% | 38 |
| #13 | Mysterious Stranger | 30% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snoopdobbydob | 17 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | The Niggler | 15 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | bugemeister | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | unc | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | hambubger | 4 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hambubger | 788 | 0.22 | 21 min |
| #2 | snoopdobbydob | 638 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #3 | ape | 418 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #4 | donger | 386 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #5 | bugemeister | 293 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hambubger | +3.76 | 73 | 62 |
| #2 | citrouille | +1.86 | 84 | 58 |
| #3 | donger | +1.20 | 87 | 58 |
| #4 | ape | +0.60 | 77 | 61 |
| #5 | ADDERALL8K | +0.44 | 53 | 37 |





