








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1756 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 675 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1932 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1629 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1573 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $936,619 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Felinator | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | TheRealPrimetime | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | ★ | kleiner Prinz | 46% | 82 |
| #4 | j3eivoo | 46% | 162 |
| #5 | Akanta | 45% | 166 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Akanta | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | j3eivoo | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | NiBoEp | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | ★ | kleiner Prinz | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Schildkröte | 3 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j3eivoo | 839 | 0.25 | 29 min |
| #2 | Akanta | 511 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #3 | ★ | kleiner Prinz | 230 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | Schildkröte | 143 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #5 | Rubiks694 | 130 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schildkröte | +4.01 | 86 | 85 |
| #2 | j3eivoo | +2.20 | 75 | 86 |
| #3 | Akanta | +1.08 | 50 | 73 |
| #4 | Rubiks694 | +0.43 | 79 | 73 |
| #5 | NiBoEp | +0.33 | 72 | 65 |





