








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 565 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2752 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,186 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3226 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3233 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2933 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3794 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $742,410 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 605 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MGT | 59% | 17 |
| #2 | MiMiK | 51% | 111 |
| #3 | Snipesrock™ | 50% | 18 |
| #4 | Ohio | 50% | 286 |
| #5 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 48% | 205 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 24 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Ohio | 18 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | siɱБa | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | MMang00 | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | MiMiK | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 1112 | 0.26 | 36 min |
| #2 | Ohio | 859 | 0.14 | 20 min |
| #3 | siɱБa | 723 | 0.25 | 21 min |
| #4 | MMang00 | 428 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #5 | MiMiK | 113 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ohio | +2.97 | 85 | 62 |
| #2 | MrSausage9 | +1.91 | 67 | 70 |
| #3 | MGT | +1.32 | 75 | 55 |
| #4 | siɱБa | -1.16 | 77 | 59 |
| #5 | MMang00 | -1.32 | 52 | 47 |





