








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 94 matches | ||
| Premier | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3033 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,672 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4437 | 38% |
| Smokes | 3173 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1056 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 3006 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,052,362 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 266 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ohio | 51% | 209 |
| #2 | MMang00 | 47% | 169 |
| #3 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 46% | 294 |
| #4 | MiMiK | 44% | 27 |
| #5 | Modern Baseball | 44% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MiMiK | 44% | 27 |
| #5 | Modern Baseball | 44% | 88 |
| #6 | r3mote | 44% | 25 |
| #7 | MrSausage9 | 43% | 132 |
| #8 | slayer | 39% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 34 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Ohio | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | MrSausage9 | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | MMang00 | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Modern Baseball | 6 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 1421 | 0.23 | 45 min |
| #2 | Ohio | 678 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | MMang00 | 401 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | MrSausage9 | 379 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #5 | Modern Baseball | 158 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ohio | +2.67 | 82 | 61 |
| #2 | MrSausage9 | +0.85 | 65 | 68 |
| #3 | siɱБa | -0.18 | 78 | 53 |
| #4 | r3mote | -0.77 | 63 | 67 |
| #5 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | -0.96 | 39 | 83 |





