








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 512 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 305 matches | ||
| Faceit | 107 matches | ||
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5676 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,424 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4341 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3534 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4217 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4332 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,019,907 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 306 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sunny Dogg | 52% | 65 |
| #2 | snoop | 50% | 155 |
| #3 | eXce!!eNt | 50% | 530 |
| #4 | Laff | 49% | 170 |
| #5 | Dank Jesus | 49% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Laff | 49% | 170 |
| #5 | Dank Jesus | 49% | 80 |
| #6 | bossman | 48% | 165 |
| #7 | Bum | 47% | 239 |
| #8 | StealthPotato | 45% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laff | 29 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | eXce!!eNt | 18 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | bossman | 16 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Bum | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | StealthPotato | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eXce!!eNt | 1205 | 0.11 | 29 min |
| #2 | Bum | 652 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #3 | bossman | 544 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #4 | snoop | 249 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #5 | Laff | 233 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snoop | +1.62 | 79 | 62 |
| #2 | S64 | +1.38 | 64 | 59 |
| #3 | Bum | +0.10 | 75 | 61 |
| #4 | Dank Jesus | -0.10 | 67 | 61 |
| #5 | eXce!!eNt | -0.13 | 62 | 59 |





