








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 205 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,767 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1973 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2062 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1352 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1380 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $488,110 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 291 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laff | 49% | 160 |
| #2 | S64 | 48% | 165 |
| #3 | Bum | 47% | 124 |
| #4 | eXce!!eNt | 46% | 164 |
| #5 | set | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laff | 49% | 160 |
| #2 | S64 | 48% | 165 |
| #3 | Bum | 47% | 124 |
| #4 | eXce!!eNt | 46% | 164 |
| #5 | set | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laff | 28 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | S64 | 11 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | eXce!!eNt | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Bum | 5 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eXce!!eNt | 416 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | S64 | 373 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Bum | 316 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | Laff | 212 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | set | 51 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | S64 | +1.26 | 62 | 60 |
| #2 | Bum | +0.47 | 74 | 61 |
| #3 | eXce!!eNt | +0.23 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | bossman | -0.55 | 41 | 60 |
| #5 | Laff | -1.00 | 74 | 59 |





