








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 260 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3068 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,590 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2866 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2565 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2603 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2556 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $801,492 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | longbong710 | 58% | 78 |
| #5 | Dannicboys | 56% | 25 |
| #6 | Stripez | 56% | 61 |
| #7 | piksel | 56% | 108 |
| #8 | Waddle19352 | 53% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waddle19352 | 22 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | piksel | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | King Glizzy | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Stripez | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Xyro Clash.gg | 3 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waddle19352 | 443 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #2 | piksel | 283 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | King Glizzy | 184 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Stripez | 172 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | longbong710 | 90 | 0.05 | 2 min |





