








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 93 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
475 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,218 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 903 | 28% |
| Smokes | 855 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 827 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 633 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $324,215 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cpt. Haggis | 49% | 45 |
| #2 | Multi21 | 45% | 58 |
| #3 | Steeeeeve | 44% | 57 |
| #4 | Vladimir | 41% | 71 |
| #5 | Kerri | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Steeeeeve | 44% | 57 |
| #4 | Vladimir | 41% | 71 |
| #5 | Kerri | 40% | 35 |
| #6 | bröter blep | 33% | 12 |
| #7 | Slipshod | 33% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steeeeeve | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Cpt. Haggis | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Kerri | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Vladimir | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Multi21 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cpt. Haggis | 196 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Multi21 | 146 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Vladimir | 90 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Steeeeeve | 70 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kerri | 65 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steeeeeve | +1.91 | 81 | 55 |
| #2 | Multi21 | +1.46 | 52 | 72 |
| #3 | Kerri | +1.34 | 66 | 66 |
| #4 | bröter blep | +0.22 | 74 | 73 |
| #5 | Vladimir | -0.75 | 34 | 62 |





