








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 196 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3562 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,102 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3352 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4487 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3402 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2861 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,112,665 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1145 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kerm | 61% | 67 |
| #2 | Kerri | 54% | 235 |
| #3 | Cpt. Haggis | 54% | 239 |
| #4 | bröter blep | 53% | 103 |
| #5 | Vladimir | 52% | 306 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | bröter blep | 53% | 103 |
| #5 | Vladimir | 52% | 306 |
| #6 | Steeeeeve | 51% | 261 |
| #7 | Slipshod | 50% | 96 |
| #8 | mon_sween | 45% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cpt. Haggis | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Vladimir | 6 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Steeeeeve | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Kerri | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Slipshod | 3 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cpt. Haggis | 858 | 0.18 | 23 min |
| #2 | Kerri | 468 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #3 | Vladimir | 350 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Steeeeeve | 284 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #5 | bröter blep | 235 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steeeeeve | +2.17 | 79 | 59 |
| #2 | Kerri | +1.57 | 71 | 71 |
| #3 | Multi21 | +0.59 | 49 | 74 |
| #4 | bröter blep | +0.15 | 77 | 74 |
| #5 | Kerm | -0.14 | 69 | 59 |





