








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 548 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 328 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4795 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,448 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7131 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6201 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 6745 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5371 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,657,848 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 515 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anyways | 58% | 55 |
| #2 | Cereal_Killer | 58% | 71 |
| #3 | Rain | 53% | 172 |
| #4 | Caado | 53% | 276 |
| #5 | OAF | Zer0^ | 52% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Spider | 44% | 70 |
| #13 | eXpLoSiVo | 43% | 113 |
| #14 | Jonboy | 43% | 135 |
| #15 | Mike Wasowski | 40% | 83 |
| #16 | Laramie | 28% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MashaTriceps | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Caado | 12 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Mike Wasowski | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | OAF | Zer0^ | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Rain | 7 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MashaTriceps | 775 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #2 | Caado | 704 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #3 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | 532 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #4 | Jonboy | 450 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #5 | antiprogram | 427 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OAF | Zer0^ | +4.76 | 79 | 69 |
| #2 | Mike Wasowski | +2.87 | 82 | 26 |
| #3 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | +2.13 | 69 | 80 |
| #4 | DrugStoreINC | +1.67 | 65 | 46 |
| #5 | anyways | +1.53 | 55 | 58 |





