








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 423 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3130 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,433 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5291 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5760 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4432 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3950 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $707,899 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 438 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caado | 55% | 141 |
| #2 | Cereal_Killer | 54% | 76 |
| #3 | eXpLoSiVo | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | OAF | Zer0^ | 53% | 62 |
| #5 | antiprogram | 52% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Mike Wasowski | 46% | 67 |
| #13 | MamaSw00b | 46% | 160 |
| #14 | Jonboy | 43% | 77 |
| #15 | SAVE ME TOM CRUISE | 37% | 63 |
| #16 | Late | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MashaTriceps | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | MamaSw00b | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Mike Wasowski | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Cereal_Killer | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | eXpLoSiVo | 4 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caado | 355 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | MashaTriceps | 351 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | MamaSw00b | 336 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cereal_Killer | 322 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #5 | Jonboy | 211 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OAF | Zer0^ | +3.38 | 78 | 69 |
| #2 | Mike Wasowski | +1.88 | 80 | 24 |
| #3 | Spider | +1.52 | 63 | 47 |
| #4 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | +1.27 | 67 | 78 |
| #5 | antiprogram | +1.06 | 55 | 57 |





