








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 543 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 305 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4502 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,797 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3389 | 19% |
| Smokes | 5238 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3888 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 5282 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,627,456 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 512 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SAVE ME TOM CRUISE | 57% | 77 |
| #2 | Jonboy | 57% | 86 |
| #3 | Spider | 55% | 71 |
| #4 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | 52% | 77 |
| #5 | Mike Wasowski | 51% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | DrugStoreINC | 46% | 65 |
| #14 | MashaTriceps | 45% | 275 |
| #15 | Laramie | 42% | 43 |
| #16 | anyways | 41% | 34 |
| #17 | Metta World ☮ | 34% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caado | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | MashaTriceps | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Jonboy | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Mike Wasowski | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | anyways | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caado | 694 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #2 | MashaTriceps | 598 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | MamaSw00b | 396 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | Jonboy | 346 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #5 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | 264 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OAF | Zer0^ | +4.12 | 76 | 70 |
| #2 | Mike Wasowski | +2.79 | 82 | 24 |
| #3 | Spider | +2.32 | 61 | 49 |
| #4 | 𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 | +2.18 | 68 | 78 |
| #5 | DrugStoreINC | +1.58 | 71 | 47 |





