










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 3 different maps



Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
216 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 562 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 146 | 26% |
| Smokes | 137 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 73 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 206 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $190,524 of utility $250 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chobani | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | chork | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | Notorious B.I.G. Bird | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Shia LaBoeuf | 39% | 31 |
| #5 | Globtonio | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | chork | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | Notorious B.I.G. Bird | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Shia LaBoeuf | 39% | 31 |
| #5 | Globtonio | 25% | 24 |
| #6 | Scary Terry The Terry | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chobani | 6 | 0.0221 |
| #2 | Notorious B.I.G. Bird | 5 | 0.0181 |
| #3 | Globtonio | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Shia LaBoeuf | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Scary Terry The Terry | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Globtonio | 68 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | chobani | 55 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | Notorious B.I.G. Bird | 43 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shia LaBoeuf | 27 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Scary Terry The Terry | 25 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chobani | +5.06 | 63 | 74 |
| #2 | Shia LaBoeuf | +1.75 | 28 | 38 |
| #3 | Mung Daal | -1.30 | 17 | 41 |
| #4 | chork | -3.33 | 31 | 28 |
| #5 | Notorious B.I.G. Bird | -4.00 | 29 | 52 |





