










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,619 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1599 | 35% |
| Smokes | 985 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1274 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 761 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,644 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HesuPeka | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | ee | 49% | 107 |
| #3 | large man | 44% | 9 |
| #4 | kesonjus | 33% | 6 |
| #5 | Kimmukka | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ee | 49% | 107 |
| #3 | large man | 44% | 9 |
| #4 | kesonjus | 33% | 6 |
| #5 | Kimmukka | 31% | 13 |
| #6 | Ahmo Michclangch | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ee | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | large man | 2 | 0.0104 |
| #3 | kesonjus | 1 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ee | 424 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | Ahmo Michclangch | 51 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | large man | 25 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | kesonjus | 19 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | Kimmukka | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ahmo Michclangch | +1.66 | 75 | 76 |
| #2 | large man | +0.26 | 56 | 74 |
| #3 | HesuPeka | +0.23 | 60 | 44 |
| #4 | ee | -0.32 | 66 | 66 |
| #5 | Bozo | -0.37 | 55 | 62 |





