








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 347 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4031 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,384 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2080 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3053 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1744 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2507 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,809,784 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fuzzy | 53% | 32 |
| #2 | LilSwe | 50% | 84 |
| #3 | Hazza | 47% | 300 |
| #4 | Likeabossow | 47% | 427 |
| #5 | z1zki | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | z1zki | 46% | 26 |
| #6 | Pickled Labia | 45% | 86 |
| #7 | PASCAL | 44% | 114 |
| #8 | GreenVirus | 40% | 25 |
| #9 | ETHVN | 36% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | 18 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | LilSwe | 11 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Pickled Labia | 9 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | Likeabossow | 8 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | PASCAL | 4 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazza | 980 | 0.16 | 24 min |
| #2 | PASCAL | 404 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #3 | Likeabossow | 394 | 0.04 | 7 min |
| #4 | LilSwe | 301 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #5 | ETHVN | 213 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | z1zki | +5.38 | 90 | 59 |
| #2 | Hazza | +1.07 | 61 | 64 |
| #3 | SEB | +0.80 | 56 | 52 |
| #4 | Fuzzy | +0.24 | 74 | 51 |
| #5 | PASCAL | +0.10 | 65 | 64 |





