








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 93 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,810 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1345 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1963 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1164 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1338 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $930,262 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 56% | 73 |
| #2 | Hugh Jerection | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | Richard Fitzwell | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | hheeyyyy | 52% | 73 |
| #5 | A Good Ol Nut | 48% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | hheeyyyy | 52% | 73 |
| #5 | A Good Ol Nut | 48% | 66 |
| #6 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 48% | 86 |
| #7 | treeboy | 43% | 81 |
| #8 | KuzcosPoison | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | hheeyyyy | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Hugh Jerection | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Richard Fitzwell | 2 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 278 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | A Good Ol Nut | 195 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | treeboy | 112 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 99 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hugh Jerection | 99 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | +4.06 | 69 | 71 |
| #2 | dyran | +4.00 | 72 | 62 |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | +3.88 | 58 | 69 |
| #4 | A Good Ol Nut | +1.64 | 77 | 50 |
| #5 | Dogy | -0.17 | 67 | 51 |





