








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 286 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1008 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,851 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 226 | 6% |
| Smokes | 180 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 1911 | 50% |
| Molotovs | 1534 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,212 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 703 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | 55% | 31 |
| #2 | Jordan | 47% | 136 |
| #3 | Ghost | 45% | 40 |
| #4 | oedibus | 41% | 110 |
| #5 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Ghost | 45% | 40 |
| #4 | oedibus | 41% | 110 |
| #5 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 40% | 40 |
| #6 | Nickelback | 37% | 75 |
| #7 | Taso | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oedibus | 9 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Jordan | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Nickelback | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Muzzatron | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan | 282 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | oedibus | 234 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Muzzatron | 105 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Nickelback | 64 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 32 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | +3.26 | 67 | 54 |
| #2 | Taso | +1.97 | 65 | 25 |
| #3 | Ghost | +1.47 | 79 | 36 |
| #4 | Jordan | +0.66 | 63 | 61 |
| #5 | oedibus | +0.41 | 75 | 51 |





