








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1132 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,781 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1183 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1357 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1029 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1212 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $478,295 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smam | 47% | 122 |
| #2 | Zeldow | 44% | 57 |
| #3 | Kingnich2 | 43% | 183 |
| #4 | Gibby | 42% | 152 |
| #5 | Doug | 28% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smam | 47% | 122 |
| #2 | Zeldow | 44% | 57 |
| #3 | Kingnich2 | 43% | 183 |
| #4 | Gibby | 42% | 152 |
| #5 | Doug | 28% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kingnich2 | 15 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Gibby | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Smam | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Zeldow | 5 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Doug | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kingnich2 | 506 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | Smam | 230 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Gibby | 204 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | Zeldow | 128 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Doug | 98 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gibby | +5.94 | 90 | 59 |
| #2 | Smam | +3.36 | 79 | 61 |
| #3 | Zeldow | -0.18 | 48 | 56 |
| #4 | Kingnich2 | -2.51 | 60 | 58 |
| #5 | Leeroy | -2.85 | 45 | 44 |





