








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,083 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 213 | 20% |
| Smokes | 354 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 314 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 202 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $121,676 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | fredzy | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | Kjell | 40% | 20 |
| #6 | sS | 38% | 13 |
| #7 | fr4ll3 | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | Whoopie Golbög | 32% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sS | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Whoopie Golbög | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | fredzy | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪【Careless】 | 118 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Kjell | 51 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | RobDob | 46 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | fredzy | 45 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | sS | 45 | 0.15 | 2 min |





