








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 144 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2002 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2408 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2584 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1749 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1076 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $778,578 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ODDY | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | Pärkish | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | LahndER;) | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | Sniss | 64% | 25 |
| #5 | RobDob | 60% | 171 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | fr4ll3 | 58% | 33 |
| #9 | Whoopie Golbög | 53% | 120 |
| #10 | Kjell | 51% | 117 |
| #11 | Mr. Dingledonge | 43% | 40 |
| #12 | babyImpala | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kjell | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | sS | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Whoopie Golbög | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | RobDob | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | fredzy | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RobDob | 347 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Kjell | 318 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | fredzy | 259 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #4 | Whoopie Golbög | 254 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | sS | 231 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pärkish | +4.59 | 88 | 83 |
| #2 | fr4ll3 | +4.09 | 77 | 71 |
| #3 | LahndER;) | +2.53 | 90 | 66 |
| #4 | ✪【Careless】 | +0.34 | 78 | 72 |
| #5 | ODDY | +0.24 | 80 | 65 |





