








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 315 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




105 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2590 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,983 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3793 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3731 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2662 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2797 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,447,771 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bóbr | 54% | 134 |
| #2 | Elyassu | 52% | 171 |
| #3 | REZ | 51% | 123 |
| #4 | BodgerBedge | 50% | 48 |
| #5 | nectarine_consumer | 50% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | vSkate | 48% | 89 |
| #7 | Guy In Bathtub | 48% | 245 |
| #8 | Senior man with broccoli dumbell | 47% | 153 |
| #9 | к о г и. | 46% | 71 |
| #10 | Shiro | 42% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guy In Bathtub | 50 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Senior man with broccoli dumbell | 27 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | nectarine_consumer | 17 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | vSkate | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | REZ | 9 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guy In Bathtub | 1076 | 0.21 | 22 min |
| #2 | Elyassu | 648 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #3 | Bóbr | 432 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #4 | Senior man with broccoli dumbell | 415 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | REZ | 297 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vSkate | +2.12 | 61 | 52 |
| #2 | к о г и. | +1.88 | 69 | 71 |
| #3 | Bóbr | +1.28 | 41 | 74 |
| #4 | Elyassu | +0.82 | 69 | 62 |
| #5 | nectarine_consumer | +0.75 | 57 | 52 |





