








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 520 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3336 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,077 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1468 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1796 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1703 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1110 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,360,348 of utility $252 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 734 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Fishwad? | 42% | 84 |
| #5 | MediaGeneral | 39% | 92 |
| #6 | kron job | 37% | 79 |
| #7 | Breadfruit (Post-Op) | 34% | 53 |
| #8 | Rick Yorn (LBI Entertainment) | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fishwad? | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Breadfruit (Post-Op) | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Rick Yorn (LBI Entertainment) | 5 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | MediaGeneral | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | kron job | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MediaGeneral | 409 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | kron job | 132 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Breadfruit (Post-Op) | 111 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Fishwad? | 98 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Rick Yorn (LBI Entertainment) | 34 | 0.08 | 1 min |





