








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 436 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 50 | 11% |
| Smokes | 88 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 224 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 74 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $237,059 of utility $227 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BruceyPotato | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | El Clapo | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | ConcernedPompano | 40% | 43 |
| #5 | WorriedPompano | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | ConcernedPompano | 40% | 43 |
| #5 | WorriedPompano | 32% | 19 |
| #6 | Femboy Goon Cave | 31% | 13 |
| #7 | DistraughtPompano | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ConcernedPompano | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | El Clapo | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WorriedPompano | 88 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #2 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 47 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | ConcernedPompano | 37 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | BruceyPotato | 24 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #5 | DistraughtPompano | 14 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Festering Dutch Oven | +3.47 | 80 | 65 |
| #2 | BruceyPotato | +3.06 | 86 | 76 |
| #3 | WorriedPompano | +3.03 | 60 | 65 |
| #4 | PanickedPompano | -1.45 | 21 | 23 |
| #5 | Femboy Goon Cave | -2.40 | 62 | 28 |





