








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 75 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
348 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 734 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 137 | 19% |
| Smokes | 90 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 301 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 206 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,275 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DistraughtPompano | 33% | 3 |
| #2 | BruceyPotato | 33% | 9 |
| #3 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 33% | 21 |
| #4 | PanickedPompano | 31% | 13 |
| #5 | WorriedPompano | 30% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 33% | 21 |
| #4 | PanickedPompano | 31% | 13 |
| #5 | WorriedPompano | 30% | 20 |
| #6 | ConcernedPompano | 28% | 36 |
| #7 | El Clapo | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Festering Dutch Oven | 105 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #2 | WorriedPompano | 89 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | ConcernedPompano | 33 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | BruceyPotato | 33 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | El Clapo | 7 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A Festering Dutch Oven | +2.60 | 70 | 70 |
| #2 | BruceyPotato | +1.80 | 87 | 79 |
| #3 | WorriedPompano | +0.83 | 56 | 63 |
| #4 | Femboy Goon Cave | -1.95 | 61 | 38 |
| #5 | ConcernedPompano | -2.24 | 43 | 42 |





