








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 263 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4360 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,416 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4558 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4570 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4274 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 4014 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $916,961 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 864 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whiff | 19 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Jonesii | 18 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Zyratin | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | JonesBigassTruckRental&Storage | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Tomppeliib | 5 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tomppeliib | 1232 | 0.46 | 34 min |
| #2 | JonesBigassTruckRental&Storage | 725 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #3 | nono | 518 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #4 | neitsyt jartsa | 437 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | Zyratin | 434 | 0.15 | 13 min |





