








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 183 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,670 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1658 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1707 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2064 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2241 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $699,054 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 685 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 520 | 55% | 85 |
| #2 | Evan | 55% | 40 |
| #3 | aesor | 54% | 59 |
| #4 | Freshly shitted underwear | 54% | 61 |
| #5 | Richter | 50% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | eoN | 47% | 118 |
| #9 | Zahzi | 44% | 32 |
| #10 | hdzywOo | 39% | 56 |
| #11 | Gab | 37% | 38 |
| #12 | system | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richter | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | Freshly shitted underwear | 7 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | 520 | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | eoN | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Zahzi | 4 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freshly shitted underwear | 405 | 0.32 | 11 min |
| #2 | eoN | 355 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | 520 | 201 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | hdzywOo | 167 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Richter | 161 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | masor | +2.56 | 84 | 62 |
| #2 | Freshly shitted underwear | +2.39 | 85 | 74 |
| #3 | eoN | +1.81 | 88 | 63 |
| #4 | Richter | +1.58 | 81 | 61 |
| #5 | stm | +0.21 | 68 | 59 |





