








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,316 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 583 | 25% |
| Smokes | 585 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 596 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 552 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $294,870 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Squirtle Gang | 39% | 44 |
| #10 | Anita Max Wynn ッ | 34% | 32 |
| #11 | Bizzy Wizzy | 34% | 38 |
| #12 | I own aux | 33% | 15 |
| #13 | carpetdemon | 23% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CptCream420 | 10 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | pissedvegetable | 10 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | egoist | 6 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | dray-k | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Squirtle Gang | 4 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | egoist | 314 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #2 | CptCream420 | 239 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | pissedvegetable | 130 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Aaron Hernandez | 110 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Anita Max Wynn ッ | 80 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | egoist | +6.53 | 77 | 73 |
| #2 | dray-k | +2.78 | 73 | 44 |
| #3 | Valore | +2.50 | 57 | 33 |
| #4 | pissedvegetable | +2.14 | 57 | 58 |
| #5 | ?Sitty? | +0.04 | 56 | 32 |





