








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 121 matches | ||
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2529 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,818 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3090 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2584 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1778 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2366 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $509,646 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller | 64% | 47 |
| #2 | fade1racecarpeek | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | abj | 57% | 96 |
| #4 | Dpunch26 | 55% | 71 |
| #5 | Vik | 53% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | collob | 51% | 100 |
| #8 | Brandon | 51% | 61 |
| #9 | Jøsh | 48% | 50 |
| #10 | The Italian Wonder | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | kenny | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Andylovesmangos | 45 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | collob | 31 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | abj | 12 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | Brandon | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Jøsh | 4 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | collob | 662 | 0.30 | 17 min |
| #2 | Andylovesmangos | 637 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #3 | abj | 218 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jøsh | 204 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #5 | Brandon | 173 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller | +5.22 | 93 | 65 |
| #2 | kenny | +2.86 | 77 | 54 |
| #3 | Raunny | +1.46 | 72 | 70 |
| #4 | Brandon | +0.77 | 73 | 62 |
| #5 | Jøsh | +0.43 | 66 | 63 |





