








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 656 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 590 matches | ||
| Faceit | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6466 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,950 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7941 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7027 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 9579 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 8403 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,747,321 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bjorna | 50% | 176 |
| #2 | Karstein | 49% | 332 |
| #3 | karlsen | 49% | 63 |
| #4 | amund | 49% | 273 |
| #5 | sQuirtmaker | 48% | 461 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Karstein | 49% | 332 |
| #3 | karlsen | 49% | 63 |
| #4 | amund | 49% | 273 |
| #5 | sQuirtmaker | 48% | 461 |
| #6 | Cardoso | 47% | 488 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cardoso | 18 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | sQuirtmaker | 8 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | amund | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Bjorna | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | karlsen | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cardoso | 1971 | 0.19 | 55 min |
| #2 | sQuirtmaker | 1303 | 0.13 | 34 min |
| #3 | amund | 584 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #4 | Bjorna | 443 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #5 | Karstein | 402 | 0.06 | 13 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bjorna | +2.31 | 85 | 59 |
| #2 | amund | +0.70 | 75 | 68 |
| #3 | Cardoso | +0.47 | 77 | 77 |
| #4 | sQuirtmaker | +0.11 | 59 | 72 |
| #5 | Jetta Driver | -0.30 | 57 | 72 |





