








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 442 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 337 matches | ||
| Faceit | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4670 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,022 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2172 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3431 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 5443 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 4976 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,745,088 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 207 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bjorna | 52% | 162 |
| #2 | amund | 50% | 274 |
| #3 | sQuirtmaker | 50% | 364 |
| #4 | Jetta Driver | 49% | 332 |
| #5 | Cardoso | 48% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | sQuirtmaker | 50% | 364 |
| #4 | Jetta Driver | 49% | 332 |
| #5 | Cardoso | 48% | 214 |
| #6 | Simzy | 43% | 53 |
| #7 | Elvin | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jetta Driver | 18 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Cardoso | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | sQuirtmaker | 5 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | amund | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | Bjorna | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sQuirtmaker | 1070 | 0.14 | 28 min |
| #2 | Cardoso | 863 | 0.20 | 24 min |
| #3 | Jetta Driver | 629 | 0.09 | 20 min |
| #4 | amund | 575 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #5 | Bjorna | 326 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bjorna | +2.18 | 87 | 55 |
| #2 | amund | +0.95 | 75 | 68 |
| #3 | Cardoso | +0.79 | 79 | 77 |
| #4 | sQuirtmaker | +0.40 | 58 | 73 |
| #5 | Jetta Driver | -0.20 | 54 | 73 |





