








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,678 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1489 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1592 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1395 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1202 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $217,509 of utility $69 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Damper Cluckney | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Vexximititty | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Hawpa | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | 🆁🆈🆉🅾 | 60% | 10 |
| #5 | farz -road to 100 commends- | 54% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | farz -road to 100 commends- | 14 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Hawpa | 5 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | MonarchSaw5 | 2 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Vexximititty | 2 | 0.0092 |
| #5 | JJ the Jet Plane | 1 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | farz -road to 100 commends- | 280 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | Wrath | 85 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | Hawpa | 69 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | Vexximititty | 34 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | MonarchSaw5 | 23 | 0.10 | 0 min |





