








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 272 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 99 matches | ||
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1339 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,740 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1764 | 37% |
| Smokes | 639 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1256 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1081 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $544,639 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JeromeJenkins | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Schlag den Raab | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | radiobernd | 54% | 24 |
| #5 | Stulle | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Stulle | 50% | 14 |
| #6 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 49% | 53 |
| #7 | Bern0 | 46% | 67 |
| #8 | Ninja Henn1ngS | 42% | 57 |
| #9 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 38% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stulle | 9 | 0.0302 |
| #2 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Bern0 | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Ninja Henn1ngS | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 3 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MisterGroßbuchstaben | 116 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Bern0 | 103 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Stulle | 38 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | ♕☠ Ruffy ☠♕ | 24 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | JeromeJenkins | 24 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | guter alter Mann Pettersson | +3.29 | 71 | 45 |
| #2 | Schlag den Raab | +2.51 | 77 | 58 |
| #3 | radiobernd | +2.33 | 71 | 50 |
| #4 | JeromeJenkins | +1.95 | 71 | 60 |
| #5 | Bern0 | +1.60 | 80 | 49 |





