








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 487 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2508 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,471 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 3% |
| Smokes | 238 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 2440 | 55% |
| Molotovs | 1662 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,363,464 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 367 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | nibk | 46% | 272 |
| #9 | Pruneman | 46% | 138 |
| #10 | ❥ Molly | 45% | 40 |
| #11 | Exile | 38% | 24 |
| #12 | Lane | Klappar Skinkor | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JC | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | nibk | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Pruneman | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | used to be pretty good_ | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Brooky | 3 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JC | 679 | 0.11 | 19 min |
| #2 | nibk | 491 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #3 | used to be pretty good_ | 380 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #4 | Pruneman | 263 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | nowoit | 108 | 0.07 | 3 min |





