








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 682 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 313 | 46% |
| Smokes | 90 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 56 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 223 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $101,693 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mmm, Monkey | 50% | 2 |
| #2 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 46% | 26 |
| #3 | Big Ol' Otis | 45% | 20 |
| #4 | DarkStorm | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | Funky_Sasquatch | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 46% | 26 |
| #3 | Big Ol' Otis | 45% | 20 |
| #4 | DarkStorm | 38% | 16 |
| #5 | Funky_Sasquatch | 36% | 11 |
| #6 | Tony | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | 4 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | DarkStorm | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Funky_Sasquatch | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | 45 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Funky_Sasquatch | 30 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | DarkStorm | 11 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 8 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | Tony | 5 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | heck yeah | +2.83 | 75 | 49 |
| #2 | Big Ol' Otis | +2.37 | 74 | 68 |
| #3 | D4DDY_SEX69 | +1.31 | 44 | 56 |
| #4 | Tony | +0.42 | 81 | 46 |
| #5 | Funky_Sasquatch | -1.80 | 69 | 61 |





