








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
52 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 31% |
| Smokes | 93 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 109 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 96 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $9,580 of utility $33 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | heck yeah | 50% | 2 |
| #2 | Hummingbird | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | Doge | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Big Ol' Otis | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Big Ol' Otis | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 25% | 12 |
| #6 | Funky_Sasquatch | 22% | 9 |
| #7 | Tony | 0% | 2 |
| #8 | DarkStorm | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D4DDY_SEX69 | 1 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Funky_Sasquatch | 1 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Ol' Otis | 39 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | Doge | 18 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #3 | Funky_Sasquatch | 17 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Hummingbird | 4 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | heck yeah | 4 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D4DDY_SEX69 | +2.07 | 42 | 41 |
| #2 | Big Ol' Otis | +2.06 | 79 | 70 |
| #3 | heck yeah | +0.57 | 66 | 52 |
| #4 | Funky_Sasquatch | -0.02 | 75 | 60 |
| #5 | Doge | -0.73 | 74 | 62 |





