








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 929 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 331 matches | ||
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7340 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,899 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10294 | 34% |
| Smokes | 9329 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3304 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 6972 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,339,378 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 209 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jac0jac0 | 56% | 126 |
| #2 | CHKEMI | 54% | 127 |
| #3 | 40r3sk1n adjust3r | 52% | 73 |
| #4 | Nukes | 52% | 225 |
| #5 | p.shadow | 51% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ULTRA EGO! | 963 | 0.21 | 24 min |
| #2 | CHKEMI | 750 | 0.28 | 20 min |
| #3 | p.shadow | 705 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #4 | Nukes | 690 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #5 | 40r3sk1n adjust3r | 482 | 0.30 | 14 min |





